How NOT to start your office party speech

These aren’t made up.  We’ve just changed some details to protect the innocent.  Each is taken from an office party speech we’ve been sent to review in years gone by. And we’ve suggested that they be removed for reasons that, we assume, don’t require further explanation.

  1. “I know we are all here to enjoy ourselves but let’s start with the numbers.”
  2. “It’s been a tough year for me personally.  As many of you know, my wife and I went our separate ways in March …”
  3. “I’m going to speak now because I’m sure you’ll all be giggling loudly and snogging each other by eleven o’clock.”
  4. “There are twelve days of Christmas, and I’m going to give you twelve suggestions for making this a more efficient and effective business next year.”
  5. “So if I’m Santa, then you are my little helpers, and I’m going to thank you all in a very special way this evening.”
  6. “Good evening everyone and welcome to (venue),  As you’ll see from this spreadsheet it’s been a mixed year”
  7. “Before I begin, you’ll notice that not all our team are with us tonight.  Unfortunately, we had a series of difficult meetings earlier and, as a result, we’re eight members of staff lighter.  I didn’t want to be worrying about that during the party, so decided to get it over and done with beforehand.”
  8. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to see, you all here today.”
  9. “Associates, managers, partners, lend me your ears; I have come to bury 2016, not to praise it.”

So …

So many ideas.  All that creativity.  So much wasted time.

The annual office party speech isn’t about you, it’s about them.  It’s not about the numbers, it’s about having fun.  Like all great speeches it’s about brevity and levity; thanks and self-deprecation.  Never is it more important to keep it simple, brief and relaxed.  If you’ve bad news to share, do it beforehand.  If you want to be crude – don’t.  A great office party speech leaves your team feeling glad they are part of it and looking forward to the rest of the night.

This year’s speech …

If you’re giving an office party speech this Christmas we would love to help write or edit it and can do so at very short notice if required.  Please call us any time on +44 (0)207 118 1600.